woah

i just read this message that i wrote to no one in particular and never sent. it was saved in my 'drafts'. and boy did i hit the nail on the head with that one...i wish so badly that i hadnt though.

you cut to the core of me

ben gibbard

god

that's annoying. am i so imperfect?! ugh FUCK YOU. i have been nothing but nice to you and still you do that to me. im sick of trying to make you happy.

it's getting better though, for now at least. usually nights are the worst. im def feeling below the threshold of "okay" but it's a little better than, say, last weekend.

just trudging through school. its the only thing i can look forward to really.

mt st helens vietnam band

is playing  lot of shows this year!

note to self

http://homeslicepizza.wordpress.com/music-by-the-slice-2009/

http://www.austin360.com/music/content/music/stories/2009/02/sxswside.html

im so sick of this!!

its not getting any better!

of late

ive been a bit depressed.

"there's no worse feeling than being ignored by the person you pay most attention to"

^_^

http://gotwisdom.tumblr.com/post/78177392/153-dear-the-killers-to-answer-your-question-were

band name

ride nicely

or

ridin' nicely

or

nicely ridin'

Blood Red Sentimental Blues - Cotton Jones

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” C.S. Lewis

i miss you so much.

new favorite

movie is probably grease. like, im actually watching it with commentary thats how awesome it is. its just so happy and sweet.

you know

i dont think im going to be happy for a long while.
yeah, fuck you.

sigh sigh

well i was walking around heb and there were roses and chocolate and stuff everywhere and it just sucks. im not that sad about it but i was just wondering how many more years i have to wait until i have, like, a valentine. whatever.

i want to listen to sigur ros and sleep for a long long time.

ohh my

Dear You,

You were in my nightmare last night. You touched my face and ran off. I couldn't find you.

Love,

me.

i always do this to myself

:(

today made me want to throw up! 

marry me

please?

in ballet

were doing our recital thing to a trip hop song. WHAT THE HELL.

just kidding

i had another one last night

asdf.asdf

blink is back together

kind of a big deal

:D

open

open, originally uploaded by quacksalot.

flickr how did i ever live without you. i have to wait a whole month till i can upload anything D:

im

really dumb 

haha

:(

a gift from the gods

m83

what badasses

also i thought i was doing better today but i was mistaken

i got into texas state, which is cool cause i really dont want to go there.

on the brighter side

maybe ill be sad this one last time

aaand i dont have to stress about certain things anymore

but im still alone

at 9:26 on a friday night.

i wish cut copy would hurry up!!

 i need to go to a show...devotchka is sunday but...its a sunday...so yeah

guess what movie i just watched

:[

what am i going to dooooo

today after school i went to the greenbelt and retraced the path we took the last time we we hung out together, just by ourselves. all the rock drawing things are still there. the tree fell over again but i put it back up. i cant really believe its over.

flickr

i finally made one

http://www.flickr.com/photos/34759476@N03/

today was so lonely. it was dumb to hold so tight.

alone again.

love

"well you just gotta keep in mind that everything happens for a reason, and that he may be moving aside because another guy is made to take his place, or maybe he will refill his place at a later time, life is far to short to take things like this too seriously, but when they happen you can't help but feel crushed, i'm truly sorry about all of that, just realize that there is a reason to things like this, no matter how unreasonable they are."

thank you so much robert.

"I love sleep. Life tends to fall apart when I'm awake"

Ernest Hemingway

I thought I felt your shape but I was wrong
Really all I felt was falsely strong
I held on tight and closed my eyes
It was dumb I had no sense of your size

It was dumb to hold so tight
But last night 
On the birthday in the kitchen
My grip was loose my eyes were open

I felt your shape and heard you breathing
I felt the rise and fall of your chest
I felt your fall
Your winter snows
Your gusty blow
Your lava flow
I felt it all
Your starry night
Your lack of light 
With limp arms I can feel most of you

I hung around your neck independently
And my loss was overwhelmed
By this new depth I don’t think I ever felt 

But I don’t know 
My nights are cold
There was warmth 
I could have sworn I wasn’t alone 

i dont understand you

whaaat the fuuuuck

seriously? what the hell is going on?

okay, so

this morning i was like "im going to hang out with my boyfriend today, i should look nice" and also i kind of needed to shave, so i shaved and whatnot and i wore a skirt today, but then we couldnt hang out for some reason which is kind of what i was expecting case it happens all the time but i was still sad about it. soooo then i remember that holly was having  sleepover at her new house (which i still havent seen) and i was like yay let me call my mom and such and then the fun will commence! but then i remembered that my mom was a bitch cause she was like "no youre grounded remember?" and other bitchy nonsense and i was like "fuck youuuuuuu" but i didnt really say it. and she was like you have to go to ballet tonight cause im paying for it and its like...whenever she doesnt want to take me to ballet i dont go but whenever i dont want to go i have to? not fair. so then im left with nothing to do all day and no human contact with anyone besides my mom and my brother, which doesnt count as human contact really, cause i really dont like them that much. so i just lay down on the bed and cry for a bit and then aly and co. call me back eager for some good news. unfortunately i didnt have any but we decide that they could still come and hang out with me at my house, which is really boring and doesnt have any food besides like  box of wheat thins. then i ask them if they can get me a corn dog from sonic on the way cause, like i said, there isnt any food at the house and holly seems okay with the extra stop and i found a dollar in my purse this morning so i could reimburse aly. and then i realize what fucking amazing friends i have.